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If I Were a Witch Man

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In If I Were a Witch Man, the Ghostbusters are called to a small New England village to exorcise a recently escaped ancient witch Kestrel. Her intent is to exact revenge on various town descendants, including the Spengler family. Undercover in the local all-girls academy, Egon is taken possession of by Kestrel! [1]




Egon Spengler


Peter Venkman

Winston Zeddemore

Ray Stantz

Mayor Moody

Eli Spengler

Margaret Prandish



P.K.E. Camera

Proton Pack

Particle Thrower

Tobin's Spirit Guide

P.K.E. Meter





Elron Witchcraft Altar

Containment Rock Crystal

Exorcism Juice




Lewiston Girls Academy


A touring bus arrived in Lewiston, a quaint New England village, in the evening of a full moon. Tourists sighted a Witch flying the sky. The Witch and her Goblins attacked the bus. The Goblins ripped off the rear bumper then caused the tires to fall off. They grabbed the bus driver and took him away. Meanwhile, at the Firehouse, Egon was about to proceed with a volatile experiment. Suddenly, an explosion propelled Egon from his laboratory to the sleeping quarters where he almost fell out the window. Winston and Ray pulled him back inside. Egon explained he received a vision of a hideous hag and lost all concentration. Just as Peter chided him for working too hard, the phone rang. Winston answered and revealed the case involved Witches and Goblins. Slimer and Peter laughed at the notion, especially when Winston mentioned the job would involve the Ghostbusters traveling all the way from New York to Massachusetts...for double their usual fee. Peter and Slimer stopped laughing.

Ecto-1 was soon on its way to Lewiston. Peter believed it was a hoax but reveled in the thought of being paid for it. Once in the village, the Ghostbusters met with the Mayor at the site of the kidnapping. Mayor Moody revealed the 300th Pilgrim Festival was two days away and she wanted the case solved before then or else thousands of tourists would be scared away. Slimer spotted an ice cream parlor but several people looking exactly like Egon walked out. Slimer was confused and tried to get Ray to look, too. The guys also saw all the Egons and wondered what was going on. They came upon a statue of a historic figure named Eli Spengler. According to the plaque, he drove out witchcraft 300 years ago and became a legendary hero. Come time of the annual Pilgrim Festival, the natives wear masks of Eli Spengler to honor his work. Egon realized tales told to him by Grandma Spengler were true after all. Peter still thought it was all swamp gas. Egon activated sensors and Slimer was given a P.K.E. Camera to scout around. The Ghostbusters observed the live feed from the back of Ecto-1.

One building is surging with activity. Ray looked at a map and identified it was the Lewiston Girls Academy. Goblins arrived and stole the camera. Slimer flew to safety as the guys opened fire on the Goblins. In the battle, the Witch flew into a building and kidnapped Mayor Moody. The Witch recognized Egon and swore revenge was imminent from her, Kestrel. Egon recognized her as the hag in his vision. The Ghostbusters chased after the Witch but could barely keep up. The chase ended at the girls academy. Egon realized the Witch was taking descendants of the original Pilgrims who captured Kestrel. The Ghostbusters entered the academy but weren't given access to perform a sweep. Instead, the headmistress Prandish threw them out. She didn't want the girls to be distracted from studying for final exams. The guys opted to search a dig site near the academy. The P.K.E. Meter picked up abnormally high valences then shorted out.

A guard encountered the guys and told them the site was set aside for a new gymnasium but some old stone ruins were discovered a few days ago. Several equipment stopped working afterwards. The guys went down and looked around. Ray came upon an Elron Witchcraft Altar but a rock crystal centerpiece was missing. Peter hit something with his foot, half of the crystal. A Goblin attempted to bury them in dirt but Slimer came to the rescue and stalled the vehicle. The Ghostbusters recovered and opened fire on the Goblins. One tried to steal the crystal half while another stole Egon's glasses. After the Goblins fled the scene, the guys returned to Ecto. Egon activated a mini-lab from the backseat and ran a test on the crystal half. Slimer was sucked in! Egon declared it was a primitive version of the Containment Unit. Ray guessed Kestrel had the other half.

The Ghostbusters tried again to convince Prandish to let them investigate the academy. Winston suggested they go undercover. Egon and Peter posed as girl students, Ray posed as a janitor, and Winston, as a track coach. Ray ducked into the janitor closet and mixed a vile concoction. Kestrel possessed Prandish while she corrected exams. Kestrel took the exams and ripped them all up. Ray gave everyone the signal on the Radio and they ran to the basement. Kestrel was nowhere in sight and Egon couldn't get a directional fix on her. Somewhere in a cavern full of ruins, Kestrel settled at a cauldron surrounded by her victims and slumbering Goblins. One Goblin gave her Egon's glasses. It was tossed into the cauldron and Kestrel cast a spell.

The Goblins flew into the academy and battled the Ghostbusters. Kestrel came out of a vent and possessed Egon. Kestrel now knew where and how to get the other half of the crystal. She took a broom out of the janitor closet and took off before Ray could douse her with Exorcism Juice. Kestrel opened the safe in Ecto-1 and took the halve. She flew off and stopped at the statue of Eli Spengler then joined the two halves. The victims teleported to the statue and Kestrel vowed to use the crystal to imprison them all for eternity. Ray and Slimer mixed another batch of Exorcism Juice and doused Kestrel. Kestrel left Egon's body. Egon recovered, grabbed the crystal, and trapped Kestrel and the Goblins. The Ghostbusters and Slimer celebrated their latest victory at the Pilgrim Festival. Peter mistook a woman in a mask for Egon and insulted her. The others called for Peter. He turned and saw they were wearing Egon masks. Peter put one on and joined them.


  • One of the local parlors in Lewiston is called "Mayflower Ice Cream." Considering its connection to Pilgrims, the parlor name is a reference to the famous Pilgrim cargo ship.
  • Eli Spengler is revealed to be another ancestor of Egon's who was involved in the supernatural.
    • Since Egon stated Grandma Spengler referred to Eli as her great grampy, that would make Eli Egon's Great Great Great Grandfather. [2]
  • The P.K.E. Camera is used by Slimer to perform recon in Lewiston. It is soon lost when goblins steal it.
  • While Egon tries to warn Ms. Prandish, he likens the situation to Chernobyl, <[3] a catastrophic nuclear accident in Ukraine on April 26, 1986.
  • When Egon is possessed in the Lewiston Girls Academy, there is a poster for a school dance on October 31.
  • Janine doesn't appear in this episode.


  1. Eatock, James & Mangels, Andy (2008). The Real Ghostbusters Complete Collection booklet, p. 32. CPT Holdings, Inc.
  2. Egon Spengler (2009). The Real Ghostbusters - "If I Were a Witch Man" (1989) (DVD ts. 05:22-05:29). Time Life Entertainment. Egon says: "I always thought Grandma Spengler made up that story about her Great Grampy Eli imprisoning the witch in a crystal."
  3. Egon Spengler (2009). The Real Ghostbusters - "If I Were a Witch Man" (1989) (DVD ts. 08:57-09:03). Time Life Entertainment. Egon says: "You don't understand, our instruments show that this school is a veritable psychokinetic Chernobyl!"


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